It all started with a flirtatious, yet innocent message sent to a beautiful “profile” I stumbled across on the popular social networking site. I use the term “profile” because at this point the girl whose pictures I was looking at and whose information I was reading wasn’t necessarily a real person. Sure I knew she wasn’t a figment of my imagination, but that doesn’t mean she actually existed. Obviously our shared interests in baseball, frozen yogurt, and The Office pretty much made us soul mates. But for all I knew, this “profile” could belong to the aforementioned basement dweller. Or maybe the girl in the pictures loved frozen yogurt a little too much but had decided to only post photographs taken before she packed on 50 pounds at Pinkberry. Or worse yet, maybe the photos of the fun-loving female smiling at clubs with friends or kissing her grandmother on the cheek portrayed merely an illusion, a false image and persona conjured up by the selective nature of her self-description. Needless to say, I had to find out.
Several back and forth messages soon turned into instant messaging our way through the workday and eventually led to our first phone conversation. Even the sweet sound of her unquestionably female voice couldn’t quell my deepest fear that this “profile” was too good to be true. So we decided to meet in person. And I officially became an “Internet dater.” A “Prowler of the PC.” A “World Wide Wooer.” And I’m not alone.
Whoever would have guessed that simply listing your name, age and a few hobbies could turn into the most popular pick up line for single Americans? Maybe the search for a computer courtship lacks the spontaneity of a drunken discourse with a random stranger at a bar or the funny flirtation with the girl behind you in line at Starbucks. But with that said, more people than ever are turning to the Internet to find their next companion.
With dating websites such as eHarmony and Match.com steadily growing in popularity, the trend of online dating is sweeping the country. Janice, a 22-year-old fulltime graduate student found the only time she had to meet guys was while she was studying or in class. “Anytime I needed a break,” she explains, “I would just log onto my site and check out a few guys. It was like online shopping — except with less selection.”
Unfortunately for Janice and millions of other Internet daters like her, meeting men or women online can come at a steep social price.
Despite online dating’s integration into the mainstream, many in American society are slow to remove the stigma placed on those who indulge in Internet flirtations. Even Match.com’s slogan, “It’s okay to look,” addresses the common reluctance to enter the dating scene online. “My boyfriend and I were embarrassed to tell our friends how we met,” admits Janice. Somewhere along the way, it was decided that meeting a stranger at a bar or at work was appropriate and to be commended, while falling for someone online must represent some sense of desperation or social deficiency.”
This generalization stems from America’s negative perception of a computer-heavy lifestyle. We imagine a nerdy, socially challenged group obsessed with video games, blogs and chat rooms, afraid to try their hand in the world outside of the comfort of their own home. This perception was perfectly depicted by the character of Kip in the film Napoleon Dynamite. Kip was an Internet dater and while he found true love in the end, we still judge his decision and wonder what level of happiness can be achieved in a life only lived in front of a computer screen.
Regardless of Hollywood’s stereotypes, those participating in online dating are more than just a select group of lonely, pimpled geeks. Seemingly, these days everyone is doing it. Websites are now catering to every age group (perfectmatch.com), every religion (JDate.com), and every special interest or fetish one could think of. Without listing every choice out there, let’s just say that MidgetsSeekingShemales.com may not exist right now, but it probably won’t be long before it does.
Additionally, within each site, there is a variety of singles to choose from. It is a guarantee that whoever, or whatever, you are looking for is just a click away. For example, two friends of mine joined the site JDate.com, which caters to Jewish singles, about a year ago. When creating an account, they were both prompted to answer the question, “What type of relationship are you looking for?” This question is the most important question one needs to ask themselves before choosing which website works for them, and how they want to portray themselves on that site.
In filling out the information, my male friend indicated he was searching for an “Activity Partner.” In layman’s terms, this is the equivalent of a drunk girl with too much make-up approaching you at a bar and asking, “Do you want to get out of here?” Let’s just say she’s looking for one thing and it’s not a ride to Jack in the Box. For three months and with purely sexual, no-strings-attached intentions, my friend kept a revolving menagerie of girls he met on the site flowing in and out of his life and his bedroom. If my friend was a hooker, JDate would be his pimp.
At the same time, my female friend who was a few years older and had already sowed her wild oats, created her own JDate profile. She marked her objective as “Marriage” and that’s exactly what she got. After a month of normal, yet boring dates, she met the right guy, and they hit it off. As a testament to the wonders of online dating, they recently got married. Thanks for the invite, by the way (shaking my head).
Two people. Two completely different goals. One website. (And one open bar I didn’t get to enjoy.) There is not a place in the world that can cater to so many different people with so many different objectives than the Internet. With the amount of singles constantly looking for a companion, it’s a wonder these dating websites have taken this long to become so successful. But with this success, comes many drawbacks. With the huge numbers of profiles on all of the popular sites, it is impossible to ensure that every profile is a true representation of the person in front of the keyboard.
In the case of Tim, a former member of Match.com, his online dream turned into a real world nightmare after just one date. The female he had been courting for three weeks — a supposed 24-year-old named Hillary — ended up being a woman not a day under 40. Sure Hillary looked good for her age, but not that good. The outdated clothing in Hillary’s profile pictures now made a lot more sense to Tim and he has since sworn off online dating, preferring to actually see his next date before talking to her.
This deception represents the biggest threat to the online dating community. Like the kid who couldn’t hold his bladder in the ball pit at Chuck-E-Cheese, sometimes the rotten apples can spoil the fun for everyone else involved. Strewn about every dating website are profiles managed by people claiming to be someone they are not. While Britney Spears apparently has a whopping 373 profiles on Myspace, that number is merely a speck of sand when compared to the vast beaches of pedophiles, spammers and just plain liars that make up many online communities. The danger posed by these deceivers can best be described as Internet terrorism. (Note to George W. Bush: Please don’t bomb the Internet.)
Megan Meier, a 13-year-old from Missouri, killed herself after her Internet messaging relationship ended with a guy she met on Myspace. A horrific tragedy even before the truth came out − the real person Megan had been in contact with was actually the mother of a former friend who had created the false profile in order find out what Megan was saying about her daughter. Adding to the pain of the situation was that the lack of legislation regarding Internet harassment and child endangerment. With new technology being created faster than lawmakers can create restrictions, the possibility for scenarios like Megan’s are always a threat.
While these dangers are real, they are balanced by the positive life changes that Internet dating offers to so many people. For every disastrous dating experience, there is a triumphant one. There will be good dates. There will be bad dates. There will be normal people. There will be strange people. With every misleading profile and disappointing encounter, there are dates that surprise and delight us. For every awkward beginning, there is a miraculous ending. Sound familiar?
If it does, that’s probably because these scenarios are not only applicable for Internet dating, but for dating in general. No matter how strongly a friend recommends a blind date, no matter how nice that guy at the bar seemed, no matter how long you have known the pretty receptionist at work, nothing is guaranteed. Like I ask all of my vegetarian friends, “Why limit your options?” There is no sure fire place for meeting that one night stand, no solid strategy for stumbling across your soul mate. So be open to all opportunities and don’t let the online stereotypes and horror stories deter you from taking advantage of all that life has to offer. So go sign up for eHarmony. Type out a message to that girl with the sexy cleavage pics all over her Myspace profile. Finally ,go on that date with the cute guy you’ve been flirting with on Match. And always remember − and this is essential − if you get married, I better be invited.
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