After weeks of surveying and gathering info from our very own Saturday Night Magazine readers, the results are in! Find out what ranks out as the most shocking celebrity scandal, what fashion trend needs to be retired asap , the best way to break up with someone and what cartoon character we’d most like to get busy with in “The Greatest Survey You Will Ever Take.”

Question 1

How often have you cyber-stalked your ex on Facebook or MySpace over the past year?
1. A few times (38%)
2. Never, I swear (26%)
3. Maybe once (21%)
4. Once a week (9%)
5. Every day, okay?! (6%)

More females said they stalk their ex than males - 78% to just 22%.

Question 2
What would you feel most guilty about doing?
• Canceling a date by just not showing up (47%)
• Missing work or school because you are “sick” (17%)
• Only tipping your waiter 10% (15%)
• Ordering a McDonald’s combo while sober (14%)
• Stealing food from your roomie (6%)

Other responses included “texting the wrong person when the text was about them,” “not working out and going to happy hour instead,” “lying” and “cheating on Katie” (hmm …we sure hope Katie isn’t reading this).

Question 3
I think President Obama is…
• Inspiring change in a desperate time (62%)
• Out of his depth and makes matters worse (18%)
• Yawn. So 3 months ago. (11%)
• Kinda hot (10%)

Others felt President Obama is “probably a good president, but I don’t think anyone can live up to the hype he has generated,” “in a no win situation,” and simply, “a cool motherfucker.”

Question 4
Would you rather…
• Have a political conversation with George W. Bush (67%)
• Play Battleship with Osama Bin Laden (17%)
• Have oral sex with Hillary Clinton (6%)
• Go to Six Flags with Dick Cheney (6%)
• Make out with John McCain (3%)
• Drink a cup of Sarah Palin’s pee (1%)

One female said she would have oral sex with Hillary Clinton.

Question 5
What’s your favorite beer?
• None. I’ll take a vodka cran (34%)
• Corona (15%)
• Hefeweizen (11%)
• Stella Artois (10%)
• Bud (6%)

Other responses included Heineken, Newcastle, Coors Light, Miller Lite, Fat Tire, Blue Moon and a bunch of liars who claimed they didn’t drink.

Question 6
If you were stranded on a desert island and could only have one thing with you, what would it be?
• Set of hunting knives (19%)
• John Locke from Lost (18%)
• Your iPod with some badass speakers (17%)
• Toilet paper and toothbrush (12%)
• An endless supply of liquor (11%)
• Nintendo Wii (9.%)
• Tom Hanks (7%)
• Complete works of Shakespeare (6.1%)

Other responses included “my macbook,” “my blankie,” “a cell phone,” “Megan Fox” and “a boat”. Duh...

Question 7
Who was the 2nd President of the United States?

Thankfully, many knew that the correct answer is John Adams, though we did get a few claiming Jefferson, Madison and even actor Bill Pullman held the honorable position.

Question 8
Biggest celebrity “Can I get a do-over?” moment:
• Chris Brown using Rihanna as a punching bag (49%)
• Michael Phelps taking a big ol’ hit off a bong and letting someone take a photo (19%)
• O.J. Simpson kidnapping someone for his sports memorabilia and going to jail (16%)
• Christian Bale throwing a giant tantrum on the set of Terminator: Salvation (9%)
• Michael Jackson being so broke that he has to sell off his assets (6%)



The majority of females chose Chris Brown’s “incident” with Rihanna while males had trouble deciding between Brown and Phelp’s bong-gate at 28% each.

Question 9
The biggest relationship deal breaker is:
• He/she won’t quit smoking (31%)
• Too flirtatious with other people (29%)
• Bad kisser (27%)
• His/her friends annoy me (5%)
• He/she gives me crappy gifts or no gifts at all (3%)
• Bad fashion sense (3%)
• I hate his/her parents (2%)

Other deal breakers, according to our readers, included lying, being selfish, cheating, a small penis and someone who is “a bad kisser without a fashion sense who won’t quit smoking with friends that annoy me.”

Males had a much larger issue with their partners being too flirtatious with other people at 40% versus 23% of females.

Question 10
Best comedy of all time:
• Dumb and Dumber (18%)
• Old School (17%)
• The 40-Year-Old Virgin (17%)
• Office Space (17%)
• Anchorman (16 %)
• Zoolander (14%)

Other popular picks included Superbad, Tropic Thunder, Caddyshack, Super Troopers, Pineapple Express and Spaceballs (of course!).

Question 11
What band or artist (living or dead) would you want to see live in concert?
Popular picks included The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, Coldplay, Britney Spears, Bob Dylan, Sublime , Nirvana, and some freak who claimed to not be, “that into music” and “would rather meet Marc Jacobs.”

Question 12
If you could have one super power, what would it be?
• Reading minds (26%)
• Time travel (26%)
• Flying (25%)
• Invisibility (13%)
• Turning objects into gold (5%)
• Understanding the opposite sex (4%)

Others opted for telekinesis, teleportation, “to eat anything but be thin and healthy” and “Britney Spears,” which we’re not entirely sure is a superpower but realize is not exactly human.

Question 13
If you could live in any other time period, when would it be?
• 1970s (21%)
• Medieval Age (4%)
• Wild West (7%)
• Ancient Rome (13%)
• 1920s (13%)
• Colonial times (4%)
• Right now works just fine for me, thanks (38%)

Others chose the 1800s, 1950s, 1960s, “Golden Age of Spain” and 1980s… why anyone would want to relive the horror that was the 1980s we have yet to determine.

Question 14
Favorite Tom Hanks movie:
Forrest Gump ranked out as the number one favorite amongst our readers with Philadelphia and Big coming in second…and an honorable mention going to Bachelor Party.

Question 15
What is the best cure for a wicked hangover?
• A big glass of iced water and 10 hours of sleep (42%)
• I don’t get hangovers (21%)
• A frosty beer (6%)
• A bloody mary (7%)
• Find the nearest toilet bowl to puke, then go to bed (13%)
• A whole pepperoni pizza and a 2-liter bottle of Coke (11%)

Other suggested treatments included Gatorade and Advil, coffee and sunglasses, matza ball soup, a greasy breakfast, a joint and preventative medicine (i.e. DON’T DRINK SO MUCH!).

Question 16
If you had to do one of these jobs, which would you choose?
• Assistant to a talent agent (32%)
• Flight attendant (21%)
• Bartender (13%)
• Porn star (11%)
• Video store manager (6%)
• Lifeguard (5%)
• Florist (5%)
• Trash man (3%)
• Meter maid (2%)
• McDonald’s drive-thru employee (1%)

Our findings proved most would rather brave the verbal abuse of working for a Hollywood agent or even turn to porn before slinging fries at the golden arches.

Question 17
Cartoon character you’d most like to hook up with:
• Jessica Rabbit (41%)
• Shaggy (14%)
• Bugs Bunny (12%)
• Pink Panther (10%)
• She-Ra (8%)
• Kenny (8%)
• Homer Simpson (3%)
• Marge Simpson (2%)



The sexy Jessica Rabbit ranked out as the number one cartoon hookup for both males and females.

Other cartoon sexpots included Aladdin, Betty Rubble, Superman, Papa Smurf and the hottest piece of ass on The Simpsons, Ned Flanders.

Question 18
Which country is the largest: China, Africa or India?
17% of survey takers failed to realize that Africa is in fact a continent and not a country, but one polite participant did offer to “Google it.”

Question 19
What’s your preferred method of communicating with friends?
• Text messaging (49%)
• Face-to-face time over a coffee or at a bar (49%)
• Hands-free calling as you drive home (19%)
• Facebook wall (14%)
• Email (14%)
• AIM (7%)

Females preferred text messaging at 54.5% while males opted for face-to-face time over coffee or at a bar. Other favorite methods of communications included gchat, MySpace, Blackberry messenger, talking in person and exchanging “a hug with meaningful eye contact.”

Question 20
Best party theme:
• 80s Party (40%)
• Lingerie Party (21%)
• Mardi Gras (14%)
• Heaven and Hell (12%)
• Toga Party (12%)
• Tennis Hos and Golf Pros (10%)
• Doctors and Nurses (7%)

Both males and females chose the ‘80s party as their favorite party theme.

Other great theme ideas included Barbarians & Librarians, You Are What You Drink, Anything But Clothes, Rubik’s Cube Party, Mustache Party and someone who inquired,” Parties need themes?!” He’s got a point…

Question 21
Besides email and social networking sites, what’s the website you have to hit every day?
Celebrity gossip ranked out as a favorite with many who answered PerezHilton.com. Other can’t miss websites included Hulu, Craigslist, YouTube, Fmylife, DrudgeReport, blogs posted by friends and, sadly, World of Warcraft.

Question 22
Celebrity you would most like to dropkick in the face and toss into a dumpster:
• Spencer Pratt (32.1%)
• Chris Brown (20%)
• Miley Cyrus (16%)
• Ryan Seacrest (11%)
• The Jonas Brothers (9%)
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck (8%)
• Audrina Patridge (4%)



More females picked Spencer Pratt while Chris Brown was the most hated celeb with males.

Other celebs you’d like to bitch slap included Paris Hilton, Kanye West, the octuplets mother (are we calling her a celebrity now?!), Sarah Jessica Parker and Chuck Norris – but “only out of self-defense of his coolness.”

Question 23
Best “drunk 2 a.m.” food:
• In-N-Out – Double Double (24%)
• Pizza – Whatever slice they have left (24%)
• Taco Bell – Crunchwrap Supreme (23%)
• Jack in the Box – Sourdough Jack (10%)
• McDonald’s – Two cheeseburger meal (8%)
• Denny’s – Grand Slam Breakfast (7%)
• Burger King – Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich (4%)

Other drunken munchies of choice included a hot fudge sundae, Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles, Panda Express, Del Taco, IHOP and Jimmy Johns’ Turkey Tom.

Question 24
What’s your opinion of the bailout stimulus plan?
• It’s the best option we’ve got at this point. Just do it already (36%)
• The plan should delegate money to better areas of the economy (29%)
• Talk of politics hurts my head (19%)
• The government should stop interfering and just let the market correct itself (15%)

90% of people that voted for the stimulus plan also stated they would sleep with Bill Gates for all of his fortune...whatever it takes...

Question 25
What is your shot of choice?
• Patron with salt and lime (30%)
• Jello! (20%)
• Jager bomb (16%)
• Kamikaze (15%)
• Lemon Drop (10%)
• Jack (5%)
• Slippery Nipple (2%)

Others claimed SoCo lime, sake bombs and Jameson shots did the trick, but our favorite shot of choice listed was a “3 pointer at the end of the game to win!!!”

Question 26
Describe, in your own words, what a “muffin top” is:
Correct answer: “The excess fat in the abdomen that spills over the sides of tight trousers.”

Even better answers: “Either the source of Elaine from Seinfeld’s ill-fated business venture, or the love handle overhang that happens when you pair low-riding jeans with a few extra pounds.” “A muffin top is when a fatty tries to be sexy.”

Question 27
You are duct-taped to a chair and forced to watch a Pauly Shore movie of your choice. Do you…
• Watch Encino Man (30%)
• Who the hell is Pauly Shore (26%)
• Sit back and enjoy Bio-Dome (21%)
• Man-up and take on a Son-in-Law / In The Army Now double feature (13%)
• Look for the nearest sharp object to impale yourself on (10%)

We were simultaneously shocked and jealous of those in a glorious shroud of ignorance to Pauly Shore and his horrendous body of work that makes our ears and eyes bleed at the same time.

Question 28
Fashion trend that needs to die:
• Ed Hardy (44%)
• High waisted jeans (35%)
• Ugg boots (28%)
• Hoodies under blazers (13%)
• Wide belts (4%)
• Headbands (3%)

More females chose Hardy at 47% versus males who decided Ugg boots needed to go at 40.9%. Other hated fashion trends included crocs, leg warmers fur, clear bra straps and pants (?).

Question 29
Best up-and-coming music artist:
• Kings of Leon (28%)
• Lady Gaga (26%)
• Taylor Swift (22%)
• Paramore (10%)
• The Ting Tings (7%)

A country-loving (or just plain horny) 8% of guys chose Taylor Swift as the star on the rise, and someone charmingly pointed out that “those people all suck.”

Question 30
Best up-and-coming young actor:
• Michael Cera (33%)
• Blake Lively (21%)
• Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart (11%)
• Zac Efron (9%)
• Amanda Seyfried/Emma Stone (7%)



Other popular picks: Emile Hirsch, Leighton Meester, Dev Patel, Jonah Hill

Question 31
The one TV show that I watch religiously is:
Top 5 picks:
• Lost
• Gossip Girl
• The Office
• Family Guy
• Grey’s Anatomy

Other popular shows: The City, House, Top Chef, Entourage, 30 Rock, Heroes, The Daily Show

Note to the two people who chose Two and a Half Men as their favorite show: Stop that now or we will come over and put a sledgehammer to your television.

Question 32
The most inspirational person of my lifetime (so far) is:
• Barack Obama (40%)
• Bill Gates (19%)
• Oprah Winfrey (15%)
• JK Rowling (11%)
• Angelina Jolie (7%)

8% of people are most inspired by a member of their family

Alternative answers: Tony Hawk, Kurt Cobain, Bono, Nelson Mandela, Howard Stern, Mother Theresa and our favorite answer, “Jesus of course.”

Question 33
Most addictive book or author:
For women, this really came down to Harry Potter vs. Twilight and the victor was…
• Harry Potter/JK Rowling (18%)
• Twilight/Stephanie Meyer (15%)

Other popular choices for girls were David Sedaris, Chelsea Handler, Dan Brown and Chuck Palaniuk. Not a single guy voted for Twilight but there were votes for the likes of Dickens, Vonnegut, Steinbeck, JK Rowling and Dan Brown.

Question 34
I couldn’t function without my…
• 35% of you could not function without your cellphone, Blackberry or iPhone.
• 16% of you couldn’t function without a computer

Other noteworthy answers: iPod, food, porn, hands, brain, mommy, ChapStick, Jack Daniels, Starbucks venti mocha breve. One girl claims she could not function without her vagina and one guy says he would be lost without his penis. Perhaps we should get these two together…

Question 35
I usually get my news fix via:
• CNN (50%)
• Newspaper (28%)
• Perezhilton.com (21%)
• The Daily Show (17%)
• E! News Daily (14%)

Other news sources you picked: Yahoo, Google, Fox News, New York Times, MSNBC, Variety, NPR.

Question 36
Which magazines/newspapers do you actually pick up and read?
• Cosmopolitan (37%)
• US Weekly (36%)
• LA Times (31%)
• Time (21%)

Men’s top 2
• Sports Illustrated
• LA Times

Women’s top 2
• Cosmopolitan
• US Weekly

17% of men admit that they give Playboy a good read.

2 brave men read Cosmopolitan.

Other top favorites: Rolling Stone, Time, Maxim, Entertainment Weekly, People, Men’s Health, Glamour.

Question 37
OMG, you’ve been nominated for an Oscar! Which designer do you have provide your dress/suit?

Women’s top 3 designers
• Oscar de la Renta
• Vera Wang
• Zac Posen

More popular picks:
Chanel, Marc Jacobs, Dior, Michael Kors, Valentino, Dolce and Gabbana.

Men’s top 3 designers
• Armani
• Tom Ford
• Hugo Boss

Men's comedy answers: Mickey Rourke, JC Penney, “some dude in China”, Wal-Mart and “I wouldn’t care, a tux is a tux.”

Question 38
And who do you take as your date?
Women’s picks:
• 36% would take their boyfriend/husband
• 17% would their their Mom
• 14% would take George Clooney



Men’s picks:
• 38% of guys would take their girlfriend/wife
• 19% would take Tina Fey
• 13% would take their Mom

Other answers: My Grandma, my best friend, Robert Pattinson, Will Ferrell, Megan Fox, Emma Stone, Your Mom.

Question 39
What’s your biggest pet peeve?
• Bad driving/traffic (54%)
• Smoking (30%)
• Messy people (20%)
• Interrupters/Line cutters (17%)

Other choice peeves: Stop signs, clear bra straps, bad grammar, loud eaters, flakes, assholes, awkward dancers, SUVs, long surveys, stupid people.

Question 40
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received? Good call on these:
• “Don’t drink the water in Mexico”
• “Dump him!”
• “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”
• “If six people tell you you’re drunk, you better sit down.”
• “Keep it in your pants”
• “Don’t sweat the petty, pet the sweaty”
• “I can’t change people, but I can change my reaction to them”
• “If you like it then you should have put a ring on it”
• “Jiggle the handle”

Question 41
If you could buy your dream car, what would it be?
• Aston Martin DB9 (26%)
• BMW M6 (20%)
• Lamborghini (17%)
• Bentley (14%)
• Jaguar XK/Ferrari (9%)

Other answers: Masarati, Lexus, electric car, Range Rover, flying car, Porsche, Bugati, Ferrari. Corvette.

Question 42
What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk-Facebooking?
• I’ve never been on Facebook while drunk (55%)
• Posting desperately flirty wall comments to someone I have a crush on (19%)
• Deleting friends that I don’t like anymore (9%)
• Sending friend requests to 20 people I met that night (6%)
• Well, there was that one time I masturbated while looking at some sexy pics (4%)

 Best answer: “Sending angry messages to my ex or stalking his new flavor of the week and sending her mean messages”

Question 43
In your own words, define the term “cougar”:
Best answers:
• “A ‘cougar’ is someone who fights for what they want and something having to do with an old woman who wants like younger guys or something.”
• “Female version of the manther. anyone from The Real Housewives of Orange County. A woman who is far too old to be wearing Abercrombie and hitting on twentysomethings in a bar.”
• “A large cat found in the mountains.”
• “A worn lady preying on younger men”
• “A hottish senior citizen”
• “Sarah Palin”

Question 44
Which celeb would you want to have a onenight stand with?
Men answered:
• Jessica Alba
• Scarlett Johansson
• Angelina Jolie

More men’s picks: Marisa Tomei, Anne Hathaway, Salma Hayek, Natalie Portman, Jessica Biel, Lea Thompson (in Back to the Future), Megan Fox.

Women answered:
• Robert Pattinson
• Brad Pitt
• Leonardo DiCaprio

More women’s picks: James Franco, Paul Walker, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Jake Gyllenhaal, Justin Timberlake, Will Smith, Neil Patrick Harris (if he were straight).

Question 45
Best or worst Spring Break moment you would never tell your Mom (but can tell us):
Our favorite answers:
• “Waking up the next morning and having hickeys all over my neck. I was on the trip with a ton of people I knew...they still won’t let me forget about it.”
• “Making out with 13 people FROM MY HIGH SCHOOL in one night”
• “Got peed on”
• “Falling off a makeshift keg raft in the ocean and making sure my beer didn’t spill into the ocean while my Gucci sunglasses sank to the bottom.”



Question 46
12+2(0)+3(2)-10=
• 52% of men answered correctly
• 74% of women answered correctly

Inventive responses: “I was told there wasn’t going to be any math,” “fuck this,” “a half gram.”

Question 47
If you could vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Top 5 destinations:
• Greece (39%)
• Australia (16%)
• Thailand (11%)
• Hawaii/Tokyo/London (9%)

Some of the less common places some people wanted to visit: NASA space station, Ethiopia, Iceland, Tahiti, Dubai.

Question 48
If you could have dinner with any person living or dead, who would it be?
Top 5 answers
1. A family member
2. A former (or current) President
3. Jesus
4. Ghandi/John Lennon
5. Marilyn Monroe

Funny answers: Alex Trebek, Mary Kate or Ashley Olsen, Chuck Norris, Amy Winehouse, Chef Boyardee.

Impressive answers: Charles Darwin, Audrey Hepburn, Bob Marley, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Stanley Kubrick, Einstein.

Question 49
Would you have sex with Bill Gates for all of his money?
• Yes, I would engage in slow, tender sexual intercourse with Bill for his billions of dollars (64%)
• No way, my body cannot be bought, not for all the cash in the land (36%)



Question 50
What’s the best way to break up with someone?
• A heartfelt conversation followed by break-up sex (64%)
• Ignore them until they go away (23%)
• By changing your Facebook status to “single” (9%)

4% of men would break up with their girl by cheating on them!

Best answers: There is no good way to break up with someone. Make him think it was his idea. Text message breakup

Question 51
What is your favorite thing to do on a Saturday night?
18% of people used the word “drink” in their response

Popular answers: Going to see a movie, hanging with friends, dancing, order pizza, watch SNL, sleep.

Creative answers: Go to church, internet porn, smoke hookah, watch Sex and the City re-runs, bone, Medieval Times, “party like it’s 1999.”